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Welcome to these Funniest Quotes from my large collection of Love Quotes and Sayings. Please enjoy these Quotes about Funniest and Love.
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
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Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
At the beginning of a relationship
we are attracted to the other person because
we think they are sexy, smart, funny -
whatever it is that we find appealing.
But very quickly, the focus of the relationship
turns to whether we feel appreciated.
If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.